


Iris

by scream4dean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Desperation, Destiel - Freeform, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Sad Cas, Sad Dean, emotionally hurt, small ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 16:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5341115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scream4dean/pseuds/scream4dean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean was like a delicate vase, dropped and put together so many times there was more glue holding him together than man.<br/>OR<br/>The part where Dean finally breaks, and Cas isn't sure what to make of the broken pieces</p>
            </blockquote>





	Iris

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Taylor W.](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Taylor+W.).



“There’s no hope left, Cas! If it was crappy then, and it’s crappy now, what makes you think it’s going to change? It’s not!”

Cas was bewildered. Dean’s eyes were tinged red and brimming with tears, his hand shook uncertainly as he cried out to Cas in a broken voice, devoid of any emotion but angst, and all Cas wanted to do was scoop Dean up and hug him tight and whisper it was going to be okay.

But he couldn’t because one, he was a pussy, and two, it wasn’t going to be okay, and Cas couldn’t tell white lies, not even for the sake of his own best friend, for his own Righteous Man.

“I—,” Cas began, but as he looked at Dean, who’s chest was heaving with pain, he looked into his eyes and saw a broken man. He saw himself, and he knew there was nothing in this universe that could fix this.

Cas faltered.

Dean noticed.

There was silence, and then the strong older brother, the strong pillar of this tiny family of theirs, crumbled into nothing but dust and tears and hopelessness. Dean slid down the wall, and broke down, letting out ugly, broken sobs. He couldn’t breathe. His chest compressed tighter and tighter and everything seemed so far away Dean found it impossible to latch onto the rapidly swirling of the world around him.

Cas wanted to comfort him, but the angel found himself permanently glued on the spot. He couldn’t do anything; this wasn’t a problem that some simple Grace could fix. This was something that ran deeper, that etched itself into the man’s very being. This wasn’t something Cas could make Dean shake off.

As Cas watched Dean die on the inside, he felt his nose prickle. He thought he was going to sneeze, but instead, tears bubbled up beneath his lower eyelid, and slipped down onto his cheek, and then down his chin onto the floor.

Cas was crying. He brought up a finger and gently touched his cheek, and so many emotions burst within himself when he realized he was crying. Who knew that this angel, once a powerful being, could be stripped of his angelic poise and instead replaced with foreign, human emotions?

The memories of his being human came rushing back. The memories that Cas tried oh so hard to repress came back with an even greater force that made him drop to his knees.

And so they cried, on the floor of Dean’s room, in the middle of the hopeless bunker, surrounded by a hopeless world.

That was how Sam found them the next morning.

 

   
Sam had gotten up that morning, showered, and went over to Dean’s room to take back the flannel Dean stole from him. Like Sam didn’t notice Dean surreptitiously stealing Sam’s flannel while they were on a case two days ago.

He knocked on the door (he learnt the hard way to not barge in—Dean was one sexually active guy), but, when he heard nothing, assumed Dean was out or asleep or in the bathroom or something.

What he did not expect was Dean on the ground, back against the wall, and with his head between his knees. A few feet to his right knelt Cas, head down, with his head in his hands.

“Dean hey do you—“

Cas’ head snapped up, and saw Sam in the doorway looking confused.

“Hey, Sam,” he croaked, and smiled weakly.

“Cas, what’s going on? Why’s Dean like that? Is he okay?” Sam had a million questions, ad Cas could see the confusion written all over Sam’s face.

“Dean’s fine,” he assured Sam, and then, realizing he was still kneeling, got up and walked over to Sam. He glanced back at Dean, before turning back to Sam and asking, “What is it?”

“I just- Are you sure he’s okay?”

“He’s perfectly fine, trust me Sam.”

“He doesn’t look—”

“He’s fine.”

There was something wrong here, Sam could feel it. He knew there was something up, and he could feel Cas hiding something. “Cas, this really doesn’t look fine to me—“

“Sam,” Castiel said firmly. “He really is fine. He just had some…” Pause. “Bad sushi.” Which, was technically correct; Dean ate bad sushi--three weeks ago.

“Bad sushi,” Sam repeated.

“Bad sushi,” Cas affirmed.

Sam sighed, and shook his head, “You’re a terrible liar, Cas, but okay. Whatever. I just wanted to get my flannel back.”

Cas looked back to Dean with a worrying face. Dean didn’t look like he was going to recover from this thing any time soon, and Sam clearly knew something was wrong. “Can you give us five minutes?”

Sam rolled his eyes and left the room, closing the door behind him. As soon as the latch closed, Cas rushed to Dean and lifted his head gingerly from between his knees. “Dean.”

Dean’s eyes were closed, and he looked so peaceful, yet troubled, and Cas knew Dean had fallen asleep. “Dean!” Cas shook Dean, and Dean’s eyes lazily blinked to life.

Dean’s body felt exhausted, and he was so tired that he felt like he could sleep for another six million years. His head rolled back as his eyes closed again, and Cas knew he had gone back under another slumber.

Instead, Cas heaved Dean up, and half carried him half dragged him to the bed. He dumped him onto the left side, and then took off Dean’s boots. Cas wasn’t going to tuck the guy in, but just in case, he threw a knitted blanket over Dean’s sleeping form.

When he walked out, Sam was waiting by the door. Cas motioned him to go in, but also placed a finger against his lips, telling Sam to be quiet.

Sam just pursed his lips, and went inside. 

“Must’ve been really bad sushi,” he could hear Sam grumble under his breath.

Cas had absolutely no idea how to fix this. Everything was beginning to fall apart and if Dean broke right now, Sam would break, and if both Sam and Dean were broken, Cas was surely going to break.

Dean was like a delicate vase, dropped and put together so many times there was more glue holding him together than man. Dean had always picked himself back up after pretty bad episodes, and so often that neither Sam nor Cas had any idea that Dean frequently fell into a deep depression most nights. Until now. Cas realized Dean was never okay: he just knew how to fake it better than everyone else.

Today or tomorrow or whenever Dean woke up, he was going to act like nothing happened. Cas knew Dean wouldn’t bring it up, much less talk about it openly. But the way Dean had fallen down, down deep, worried Castiel to the ends of the Earth. He never thought about how bad Dean’s situation was, and how much pressure he had to be a good brother to Sammy, to be a good friend to Cas, and to be a good hunter for John Winchester. On the exterior, Dean was this hard-ass who only cared for hunting, beer, and sex, but inside he knew that Dean was the type who never trusted easily, but loved fiercely. Who remained loyal to those whom he loved. Who said ‘fuck it’ to the rules of the universe, went against all odds, just to keep his brother safe.

Cas had this revelation in the middle of the hallway, and something bloomed in his chest. Love. It was the same feeling he felt when God had created mankind. But this was much stronger, more intense, and made Cas feel more impulsive.

And Cas knew he was in pretty deep when Sam came out from the room with his flannel, and Cas got a peek at sleeping Dean, and had a sudden overwhelming urge to place his lips on Dean’s and caress his cheek and hold him tight and never, ever let him go.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos literally feed my black soul, so if you'd be so kind, let me know your opinion?


End file.
